All right, so I had no expectations on picking up this book. Quite honestly I knew nothing about the content. I only knew the title and the author, Rachel Hollis, and it just felt right.
When I went to order the book I saw very mixed reviews, one of the main complaints being that she repeated a lot of old content from previous books, pods, RISE conference, etc. I am not too familiar with a lot of her work, so I decided I wanted to try it out for myself. Holy heck, am I glad I did that! This book is amazing. I feel like I worked through some stuff I didn’t even know I was holding onto. I found myself nodding along, underlining a ton and laughing at Rachel’s stories more than once (see the story where she talks about the time she pooped her pants because of a juice cleanse).
Lets talk about some of the greatest take-aways from this book:
Chapter 3 is dedicated to letting go of the guilt. There are several important things that she points out in this chapter, but what specifically stuck put to me is when she speaks on guilt that others think that you should carry. For example, Hollis says she has written for years about working on her marriage (I haven't read a lot of her stuff so I can't confirm or deny) and now that she is in the midst of a divorce, people are questioning all of her previous work and projecting guilt onto her because now her martial status has changed.
What it really comes down to is your authenticity and your happiness. At the end of the day you are the one stuck with yourself and do you want to feel filled up or empty? I'd say probably filled up. So do the stuff that makes you happy and if people aren’t OK with that then you don’t need them.
Hollis also writes on changing mindset and perspective. If you follow along on my page at all you know that I’m very into mindset and rewiring your thoughts to cultivate a positive mindset! What interested me was that she defined perspective as the way you see the world and mindset as what you think about what you're seeing. It makes total sense, but I previously used the terms interchangeably.
Fixed mindset or growth mindset - which do you have? A fixed mindset means that you believe you can't grow skills, knowledge, abilities - everything you have is what you're stuck with. Sounds kinda boring and limiting doesn't it? A growth mindset enables you to believe you have the ability to grow into any skill, new challenge, . To me, the idea of a growth mindset is holding onto your ideology as a kid. Remember when you said you wanted to be President? Or a race-car driver? Or an astronaut? You probably didn't know how you'd get there, but you truly believed you would. That is the mindset I want to keep for the rest of my days!
What kind of coping habits do you have? Are they positive and supportive, like meditation, journaling and movement? Or do they lean more destructive, like smoking and drinking? When you're in a super calm state, it's easy to say that the former is the better way to go. But sometimes, when you hit that "too much" state does all rationality go out the window and you go for the whole bottle? I am not villainizing drinking, but 9 times out of 10, that destructive behavior will make you feel worse! This is one of the key concepts Rachel talks about. She calls the positive habits "anchors", they may not be a fix all but they can make "the bad days bearable instead of self-destructive".
Another thing I frequently mention on Instagram page is practicing gratitude by writing a list of things that happen each day that you are grateful for. Rachel writes about a similar concept - a "joy" list. A joy list is a list of activities/things that you know create a feeling of joy in your life. The idea is to incorporate these little things into your week, or more ideally, each day, to ensure that your cup is filled.
Here are a few things on my joy list (feel free to steal some!):
-Reading a good book - especially in the morning before anyone else is up!
-Dogs. Just any dog.
-Fuzzy socks & comfy pants
-Sunday dinners at my grandparents
-Sunrise boat rides
-Crafting (I just got a Cricut & I love her!)
The final takeaway from the book that I will pass on is this: We are not in control of everything. If 2020 has taught us anything, it is exactly that. (Well dang it that is a bitter pill for me to swallow!) However, the silver lining is that you are in control of something: you. Your thoughts, your actions your reactions. This year has sucked in a lot of ways, but you can choose happiness, positivity & joy each day, or you don't. Listen, I recognize that might sound harsh. As humans, some bad days are inevitable (I've had my fair share), but we need to recognize that we can't live in the bad days forever. We let them happen, we accept them for what they are and we move on to create more joy.
Okay, so here are my questions for you to contemplate and answer below if you're feeling it:
What was your favorite part of this book and why?
What was your least favorite part of this book any why?
What are your three biggest take-aways?
Favorite quote/passage from this book & why?
What is on your "joy" list?
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